While doing my work with Saturn I was forced to confront some of the absolutely idiotic things I have done with money.
To further my embarrassment I decided to share them with you.
Vacuuming up spare change. So when I was a kid, one of my jobs was to vacuum the house. My dad would freak out if he saw money on the floor, and would make me go around and pick it all up first. When I got older and moved out on my own, as an act of some weird Aquarian rebellion, I started vacuuming up my money – and throwing it away with the dirt. Yes – I literally threw away money. If I had to guess, I probably did this to about $0.20 per week. In five years that’s about $56.00. While it’s not some life altering amount, you have to think about what message I was sending to the universe in regards to my appreciation of money.
Spending $800.00 in one month on takeout (4 times). When I am working on my oracle decks, I get so inspired (manic actually), that I will knock them out in 3 weeks. In fact, Compendium I did about 10 cards, stopped and then did the other 80 in 6 days. This leads to obviously not leaving my house – so I would order in. The worst part about this? I have a grocery store about 50 steps from my door. Four times I have spent half my monthly rent on takeout, and I gained 15 lbs.
Paying for subscriptions I don’t use. I am a phone salesman’s dream. I get so shy and feel so guilty about saying no, that I end up being talked into things I don’t want, and don’t need. I paid $22.00 a month for credit card defence, for an entire year, until I finally sat on hold for 3 hours to cancel it. To be honest, I still struggle with this one. Especially when it’s something that costs a couple dollars because you end up forgetting about them until you’ve racked up a couple hundred (well hopefully the rest of you don’t do this).
Buying things I don’t need. Being a 2nd house person, I feed myself with objects. I’m learning to make better choices and learning to feel the difference between thinking I want something, and really loving something (an article of clothing, a tarot deck, etc). Adopt a 24 hour waiting period if this is something you struggle with. It works.
Not charging my worth. I used to compare my product prices to other people. Ones who have business loans or the ability to buy thousands of decks at a discounted price, and then don’t charge their worth (yes your decks are grossly underpriced – especially indie creators – price should be reflected on the cost of 1 piece). Whenever I feel anxious about this, I remind myself that I started my company with a printer and a pack of paper I bought with my tax return.
Reading this, I am sure some of you are cringing, and I don’t blame you, I am too. Part of self-care is doing the hard work, no matter how humiliating it is. It’s not all salt baths and fancy crystals. It’s taking a hard look at what you’re doing wrong and how you’re hurting yourself.